It’s been more than a month since I’d written anything down. Since my last post, err let me me correct that, for a good long while, I’d been busy.
Let’s rephrase it – we’d been busy.
I mostly stay at home nowadays, but for some reason unbeknownst even to myself, I actually enjoy being at home now.
About a year ago or so, I would have absolutely died had I been staying still at home for more than a few hours at a time.
Since early this year, or at least since my wife (…now, my girlfriend then) started to live with us on the weekends, I’d found it to be very enjoyable to be at home. I have had so much free time since then, it’s almost a sin when compared to most people. But while at first I did feel uneasy at first spending so much time at home, I have taken the opportunity to catch up with my family, talking and sharing stories about everyday life. I like sitting down with my wife over milk (yes, we are both pretty voracious with it) and just talking – mostly about my day, her day, music, our collective crushes (haha), the questions of pending parenthood and all sorts of things. We talk everywhere at home – in our room, while I practice guitar, while she is reading up for her online university course, while I cook, while we do the laundry.
I’d always pointed out to her that I take great delight at our inherent ability to, say take a random subject and just talk about it. On a deeper level though, of course there are days that we don’t talk about the birds and the bees, and there are darker topics that float around but we still manage to talk about it.
I think that’s a very important thing for people – married or not to talk to each other. Directly communicating with each other bridges the gap of silence between us, and allows our thoughts to jump over the wall that silence builds between all of us.
Communication allows us to know what goes on within our minds. I mean sure, some of the more “adept” people would be able to tell what we have on our minds. My wife does this magically, and she is quite honestly the very first person I’d been in a relationship with who’s able to know when to speak up and when to let me be, then picking an opportune time to see if I’m ok, or if I need to be violently shaken back to reality.
Part of human interaction involves us looking for unspoken cues – body language, facial expression, discreet actions etc. These help us know and hopefully avoid things in advance.
However, we all should not be dependent on assumptions, or reading between the lines. Sometimes it helps yes, but mostly, strict dependence on assumptions alone serve to feed errors in knowing how one person or party thinks or feels.
Our assumptions and our personal contexts differ from one another. Assumptions need validation, and while we can check through many things to validate our our thoughts on something, there is no better way to do this than to dip our feet into things and just talk. However, nutty things like ego and pride often keep us from directly communicating our thoughts to each other. A lot of people though seem to be predisposed to be more concerned with saving their egos that saving relationships, or at least finding out how and why people react in a certain way in certain situation. I for one have a lot of pride in myself and stuff, but I try to keep my ego out of the way and try to get in touch with people around me. Social norms dictate that men shut up, but in this day and age, I think it had become more important than ever to reach out and communicate with each other.
You see, I, err we (my wife and I) believe that enjoying ourselves while in complete silence is pretty much the most amazing thing for couples to have, the ability to talk about things stands coequal to it. We see a lot of elder couples who talk and enjoy each other’s company, and those who just randomly talk about anything and keep things going.
I kinda want to be able to remain like this – talk and grow together. With my wife, I hope the ability to talk and find our way around things would never go away.
So whenever you have a disagreement with someone, talk about it. Talking and knowing about things do not make less of anyone, but pride and enormous amounts of ego unchecked will. Always validate your assumptions with facts gleaned from the person you are thinking of, because there is no better way to know about what goes on a person’s mind than for said person to say what he / she’s thinking about.
It never hurts to do so.